teaching takes the forefront mainly because it is in my face for hours and hours every day. i can't say that i'm not passionate about teaching. my kids are my world. i call them "my kids" because they are MINE in most every sense of the word. i'm not just this woman who shows up each day and teaches them some stuff. i am their example, parent, nurse, guidance counselor, instructor, performance evaluator, nurturer. i comfort them, scold them, coach them, nurse them back to health, reward them, encourage them, punish them, cry with them, praise them, steer them, adore them. i have these 23 incredible human beings DEPENDING on me for an entire year of their lives. they are mine. and i take that responsibility very seriously. but, ah, there's the rub. there are 23 of them. i both love and loathe the challenge in that number. i feel stretched thin sometimes because there is not enough of me to go around. i have so much to give them, but not enough time in the day.
for this reason, the second item has been on my mind almost constantly. if i have this much love for 23 that are not biologically mine, what must it be like to have just ONE of those incredibly precious lives to nurture and grow...one that belongs to me...one that i can pour every ounce of my love into. it thrills me to no end to imagine the joys of being a mom. so i'm forever daydreaming about our little family that just might come to be one day. we're going to have an amazing life together...
baking gets the short end of the stick, although it is probably my true passion in life. people always say that if they won the lottery, they would quit working. i wouldn't. i would open a bakery. i'm not quite sure what it is about putting flour and sugar and butter and eggs together that gets me. maybe it's just that....the simplicity of the idea. ordinary ingredients can turn into something extraordinary....every time. i guess, in a way, it also makes me feel more connected to my roots. my grammy is an amazing baker. it's not like she went to pastry school. and when we go to visit, she doesn't have this immaculate spread of beautifully crafted, magazine ready desserts. her baking is simple. and it's real. EVERY bread, pie, cake, roll, crumble, tart , and cookie is made from scratch. she grew up on a farm baking that way, baked for her own family that way, and bakes for her grandkids that way....there simply IS no other way. i agree. there is a wholesome satisfaction in creating something from the bare basics. you can almost taste the labor of love in every bite. i dream about spending a whole summer in the kitchen of her rural home. she will teach me the secrets of good bread making and her incomparable rhubarb pie. the windows will be open and the breeze will carry our warm oven smells out to the world. we will knead dough together for hours and she will impart her 80 years of culinary wisdom and soul to me. i also imagine my own life as a baker. i picture winning the pillsbury bake-off competition or having a world famous sticky bun that people come from miles around to taste. and when the reporters come to interview me about my masterpiece, i will be sure to give honor to my grammy for bestowing upon me the gift of baking....because that's really where it all began.
now off to buy some flour....and that lottery ticket...
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